Monday, March 12, 2012


It's a time of rebalancing and redirecting for me. It's been exactly one month since our 15 year old son, Drew, left for In Balance Ranch Academy, a program for troubled teens who have become addicted. Their program is about rebuilding the way the addicted teen thinks and lives his life, and includes work on the part of the addict's family. Greg and I have been working our own program here at home, including working with our younger son, Kyle, so he can understand the power drugs have had over his older brother. Mainly, we have spent the last month coming to grips with the disease that has attacked our family, shattered our lives, and broken our very souls. It has been completely humbling, and has brought us to our knees with grief and despair.

I share this with you because I have decided to stop hiding this part of my life from the world. In finding an amazing support group, I have learned to accept the things I cannot change, and instead of trying to control my life and my son's life, I am working on changing things that only I have control over.

This past weekend, I shared three powerful days filled with love and reflection with 11 other women, whose lives have also been devastated by this terrible disease. We stood together, united in spiritual growth, and held each other up, as women do. I was able to witness courage and growth that, through heartache, saw all of us climb to new levels of knowing from the pit of despair that addiction brought us to.

I didn't know what I needed, or what would fill the hole in my heart, but knew it was something BIG. These women were exactly what I have been searching for. Who would have ever known the disease that brought me to my knees, would also take me to the place I need to be, surrounded by the love and acceptance amazing families, soul seeking women, and of God. I don't really think I can thank Drew for that. Only God. But with that love and acceptance, I can give over to God that he has a plan for Drew too, and with this in mind, I can hope and pray, and trust...

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I pray this today, and always.

With love and a peaceful, very courageous heart,
x, Val


sandra said...

Val you are in my prayers . Never forget how much you are loved by God and know that He is ALWAYS with you in those valleys that seem so hard to climb. I am wishing many Blessings for you and your family XO

Junelle said...

Oh my heart is just broken open. I am so terribly sorry for your pain and anguish. I have sons, too, and know a mother's heart for her boys.

I am praying HUGE prayers for you and your heart, your son, your family and for new beginnings.

Transparency with friends is a good thing...we are here for each other.

I love you and adore you even more for sharing your tender heart. You are supported in more ways than you know...


Exam Cram said...

You made some good points there. I did a search on the topic and found most people will agree with your blog.

Heather Woollove said...

I'm so happy that you have found help and friends and new ways to cope with your son's addiction. Therapy is amazing...I've been at it nearly 20 years, now, and am still finding ways to 'be better'.
Lean into those who love you and after asking the always important question, "Whose problem is it?", keep changing and growing.You will find that the others around you will change, as well over time.
Much love!

Valerie said...

Thank you, all, for the loving comments. YOU are part of my support group too, and hold me up in amazing ways.
xx, Val

Debby/Darthy said...

Val my heart goes out to your son and you and your family. Most terrifying. Certainly gets you right to the core of your being doesn't it. I wish you peace and recovery for all.

Sandy Michelle said...

Val I admire you for putingt it out there. I am going through the same thing with one of my Sisters and we are all suffering. My heart goes out to your and your family!

Sandy xoxox