Sunny day love

Art journal piece created from The Art of Wild Abandonment class

I think, years from now, when I look back on today... on where I am in this part of my life, I will see myself as if I am in a great fog... a huge many months of June gloom*, just wistful and waiting for the sun to come out again. I thought I'd be able to regain balance quickly once Drew was safely ensconced in Az, with people who could help him come out from under the rock he's buried himself. On some days, the clouds part and I see a bit of sun, and my energy seems slightly restored. On these days, I press forward, and engage myself in my old way of being... I commit myself to tasks, and meet people I haven't seen in a while. Often, these activities take it out of me, and I seem to quickly retreat. Once again, I find myself back amongst the fog and gloom.

I am by nature a sunny day lover, always looking towards the future with hopefulness, goodness, and a calm peaceful spirit. Lately, life's pathway has taken me down a muddled, unsure road. I try to be patient with myself, and give myself time and space to heal. Seemingly, it's not happening on my timeframe. Uggh. I will it to happen, will the sun to return, will the grace of a peaceful heart back inside my being.

Won't you please, please hurry up?

I'm working on the soul of my garden, and planting it with Peace, Love, Grace, Truth and ... ummm, ....I'm willing the Joy to return. Won't you come back and join me, Miss Joy? Please? I will so welcome you back with open arms.

x, Val

*as they call June in coastal Southern California, when the inland desert heats up, and pulls the coolness of the ocean inward in the way of fog and low clouds. Depressing for me, but others love the cool, cloudy days.

Out, Out, Damned Doubt

Trouble...

Oh, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble

Feels like every time I get back on my feet

she come around and knock me down again

Worry...

Oh, worry, worry, worry, worry

Sometimes I swear it feels like this worry is my only friend

I woke up with this Ray LaMontagne song running through my head this morning. Other than fact that I love, love, love this song, it's words are tripping a trigger with me today.

What's to worry and fret about? Well, the truth of that matter is I'm no longer worried and troubled. I am just suffering the lingering effects of my last two worry racked days. I have been waiting to hear back about two proposals I put out within the last month. The first is the Rady Children's Hospital project, and the second is the Lark book proposal. Somehow I got it into my head that I'd hear about both of them on August 18. Finally, I looked over both RFPs on the 19th, and found out I'd hear about one through the mail beginning on the 19th, and the second, I won't hear about until the week of the 24th. So, worry and trouble be damned!!

Worry, fret and trouble go hand in hand with the Virgo personality, well, at least MY Virgo personality! It really is something that's "been doggin' my soul since the day I was born" Okay, it's out there now, another fun fact about me! Well, I know we all have days when worry and trouble get the best of us. It's just that the last two days have had me paralyzed by fear, and that's about the most counterproductive situation ever. So, get out Doubt. I've looked at you and talked to you. Now leave me be so I can get on with what needs to get done around these parts!

Side note about this post: Sorry about the weird line breaks... it's nothing I can figure out how to fix. Somehow the editing mechanism within this post is all messed up today. Must have something to do with all the worry and doubt. Well, get ready; I'm going to stamp it OUT!!